HOW TO MANAGE STRESS: DRINK FROM THE LIVING WATER

How to Manage Stress: Drink from the Living Water

     As a type “A” personality, I have a list of accomplishments and achievements that make me tired when I think about it, and as a visionary, I have to scream at myself to enjoy the moment, and focus on what is in front of me. Performance has always been significantly tied to my self-worth, and I have paid the price both physically and emotionally. A few years ago, I was working as a therapist at an all-girls school, seeing clients in my private practice, writing this book as well as articles and was a high-level volunteer at church. I had just moved my parents into an assisted living facility because dad had terminal cancer, and my two youngest children were in their teens with very active lives. Like so many women in my generation I was taking care of my parents as well as my children, and to top it off…I was in the beginnings of menopause. My plate was full….heck, my platter was full!

     Being a people pleaser, I was trying to take care of everyone, not drop any plates, and keep everyone’s schedules running smoothly. Yes, I know. You are probably thinking, “Was this woman insane?” Not certifiable but close. Eventually, I realized I was depressed (duh). I just wanted to stop everything, curl up in a ball, watch soap operas and eat junk. Joy and peace became elusive. My love for the Lord did not wane, but my spiritual life diminished with only pockets of deep worship and prayer. Most days my prayer time took place in the car on the way to work, to and from appointments, church, and events. I knew I had to make changes.

     As a therapist, I had helped countless people manage stress but now I needed help. I went straight to the source, the Bible. I had read the story of Jesus, Mary and Martha countless times, but I needed to get the essence of this story from my “knower” into my heart. Just as a reminder, let’s look at the story in Luke 10:40-41. “But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.’ But the Lord said to her, ‘My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details!’”(NLT)

     When reading how Mary sat at the feet of Jesus while Martha busied herself preparing dinner, I had flashbacks to several scenarios from my life beginning in childhood. One of the messages I internalized growing up in my family was relaxation equaled laziness. This led to arguments with my younger sister over chores. When I got married, if my husband, Mark, was lying on the couch and I was in the kitchen cleaning or preparing a meal, I would resent him, and would develop an attitude. Sadly, I empathized with Martha…I was a “Martha.” Most women who are performance driven are, “Marthas” and I definitely fell into that category. Thankfully, by God’s grace, I am much better than I used to be but I had to be intentional in my quest in learning to “just be.” So, how do those of us who are more like Martha become more like Mary?

     First, it is necessary to understand the importance of honoring the Sabbath. Hebrews 4: 10-13, revolutionized my paradigm on the importance of rest. “For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall. For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.”(NLT)

     Since the Word of God encourages us to do our best to enter that rest, let’s explore what that looks like. First and foremost, if God had to rest after creating the world, then we need to take a page from His play book and do the same. I encourage all of my leaders to unplug for one day a week, not only for their own physical, emotional and spiritual well-being, but also to set an example for those in their spheres of influence. As I mentioned earlier, one of the reasons that I became depressed and burned out a few years ago, was because I wasn’t consistently taking a day to kick back and rest. To remedy the situation, I became protective of my day of rest. I found Sundays to be the best day for me to rest. I held my boundary and if a meeting or event occurred on a Sunday, I respectfully declined the invitation. It felt so good to regain control of my schedule and my life. Frankly, it felt good to say, “no.” Remember saying, “no” to someone does not harm them, but it helps you maintain healthy boundaries. By the way, Sunday does not have to be your day of rest. Currently, my work schedule is Tuesday through Sunday. So, Mondays are now my Sabbath, and I love Mondays!

     When I read about Mary and Martha, I find something even more intriguing about Mary.

But the Lord said to Martha in Luke 10:41-42, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus so that she could listen and learn from Jesus. She chose to drink from the living water. I believe Mary had a posture of rest that enabled her to be still, listen and learn. I personally don’t want to miss out on experiencing the promise of His rest mentioned in Hebrews 4:1, “God’s promise of entering His rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it.” (NLT)

     Mark and I have three children, two awesome sons and one sweet daughter. All of our children were highly active when they were young. When we needed to instruct or discipline them, we made them stop, look us in the eyes, and repeat our instruction. We did that so our children would learn to listen and receive our instruction. We had to be intentional and faithful to teach them to be still, listen and learn.

     As adults, we need to do the same. We weren’t created for constant activity and never-ending noise. We need to practice silence and stillness. But in order to do this, we have to manage our time, create margin in our schedule, and intentionally find balance in our lives. I firmly believe that we cannot run the race that we are called to run if we are overworked, out of balance, with no margin in our lives. When we are exhausted, our emotional defenses are weakened. In this state, people will turn to comfort foods, becoming overweight putting their health at risk. How many times do we hear of a church leader having an emotional or physical affair because he or she didn’t have time to invest in his or her marriage, became exhausted and fell into sin? Here are a few ideas that will help you on your journey to a balanced, healthier life.

As mentioned earlier, take a Sabbath. Make it non-negotiable. Unplug from social media, and emails so you can plug into rest.

Schedule margin into your calendar. I know many women with full calendars that schedule exercise, devotional time, and date night.

Drink from the living water by practicing the essentials: worship, Bible reading, prayer, fasting, meditating on Scripture.

Practice just being. I know that sounds weird, but if you can master just being – being okay with inactivity. Our attention is split throughout the day between family, work, and social media. We are inundated with noise and activity. In our stress-filled lives, we need to create time to rest our minds. We need to create head space. For example, try sitting on a park bench and take in the beauty around you. Take a walk, not for the sake of exercise, but just for the sheer joy of being outside, and resist the urge to Instagram your surroundings!

Practice thinking about those things that are worthy of your mental real estate. Philippians 4:8 reminds us to, “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (NLT)

Try deep breathing throughout your work day. Sit in your chair with your feet uncrossed. Relax your shoulders. Shut your eyes so that you’re not distracted. When you begin breathing, make yourself aware of your breath going in and out of your mouth and how your lungs fill up and release. If you start thinking about your to-do list, then refocus. When you are deep breathing, shut your eyes and focus on something that brings you joy. I have a special spot in Hilton Head that I think about. It is a bench beside a gorgeous lake. I picture myself sitting on the bench, looking at the water. I remember the way the sun hits the trees around the lake. It is beautiful and I have great memories of family vacations at Hilton Head. The Father gave us imaginations, so how wonderful for us to use our imaginations to calm ourselves, slow our heart rates, breath…just be.

Music is powerful. It can spur deep emotional reactions in a person. Political and social movements have been driven by music. However, it can also be a great relaxer. In the midst of my work day, I will often plug my ear buds into my phone and listen to soothing music.