Losing Dad
On October 26th, 1997 the Florida Marlins won the World Series. Are you impressed that I know that? Don’t be, I’m not a baseball fan. I know that because that was the night my dad died. I was at my dad’s home in Michigan, my husband was in Florida where we were living. I called him to say that my dad had died and I heard the cheering of the World Series win in the background. Someday I’ll be on a game show and the million-dollar question will be, “What date did the Florida Marlins win their first World Series?” I’ll know it! One can dream.
My mom died thirty-two years ago, and five years later my dad followed. He was diagnosed with lung cancer on October 1st and died on October 26th. He died at home in his bed surrounded by all 5 of his children and a few of their spouses. We sang, we cried, and we prayed. It is a moment I will never forget.
Last Sunday was Father’s Day. While many celebrated with great joy, many did not. For many women, Father’s Day is a very, hard and painful day. If that is the case for you, I am so sorry.
I am so sorry.
Some women are grieving the loss of their fathers to death. Others are grieving the loss of a healthy relationship with their dad in life. I was speaking with a family last week whose dad passed away recently. They planned the funeral for Father’s Day weekend. I asked them why and they said, “We didn’t want to ruin another summer weekend.” Their relationship with their dad in life was both painful and complicated. Father’s Day has always been a painful day for them. That is one weekend of the year they choose not to attend church, it’s just too painful.
If this is you, I am so sorry.
Could I encourage us today to be mindful of these women around us on any given weekend? If someone you know is hurting in this way perhaps you could send a text, take her for coffee, offer to go for a walk with her. Whatever you choose to do, please acknowledge her pain. Please let her know you see her and are praying for her. If you have any influence in the planning of your church’s Father’s Day service, would you please acknowledge those who are hurting?
My dad was 70 when he died. If your dad has passed away, regardless of his age, may I say, “There is no ok time to lose your daddy” and I am so, so sorry for your loss. If your dad is still living and you have a pretty good relationship with him, consider yourself blessed and hug his neck today if you're able, call him if you’re not.
Are you grieving a loss in a way that is healthy and helpful or have you put your pain in a box and taped down the lid? I say this with love, if you bury it alive, if you bury it IN you, it goes on living there, that’s where it stays. You might want to read that sentence again.
Is this you?
Are there things you have buried alive that are eating you alive?
Please gift yourself the help of a professional or safe, trusted, friend. You are so worth it! We can help and it would be our privilege to hold your pain and your story and help you safely navigate your way through.
Written by Kaye Hurta