Encouragement for New Moms
This month, my baby girl turns 22!
Six months before the birth of our second daughter, my first daughter was born to me. Wait, what? Six months? You’re doing the math and it doesn’t add up. That’s because both of my daughters were born to me through the miracle of adoption. At the age of 39, I became a mom for the first time dispelling the myth that you have to be young (or pregnant!) to be a “new mom”.
What are the circumstances surrounding you being a “new mom”? Are you young, newly married, and expecting your first baby? Perhaps you are like me, older (I mean, seasoned) and adopting for the first time. Could it be you are fostering or unexpectedly raising your grandkids or others and it all feels new? Whatever the case may be, one thing you all have in common — one thing you all - we all - need today is a word of encouragement.
While it has been 22 years since I have been a new mom, I have been involved in ministry to women longer than that and I am continually surrounded by new moms. Recently I spoke with some of those new moms (whom I highly regard) and asked them what brings them encouragement.
Here are our combined thoughts and I pray this brings encouragement to you as well:
You can do this. Really, you can. Not by your own strength but with the support of others and by the grace of God. He is with you. He will help you. Scripture stays mostly silent on Mary and Joseph’s parenting skills but one thing I know for sure, Mary relied fully on her faith and trust in the power of God to see her through!
You will make mistakes. You will. I did. No one expects you to be perfect, just present.
You cannot take credit for their successes or blame for their failures. This one bears repeating, you cannot take credit for their successes or blame for their failures. You see, your identity does NOT come from their accomplishments OR their failures. Your identity is in Christ alone.
God chose YOU perfectly to shepherd them. They wouldn’t be better off with anyone else. You are called and chosen for that baby in your arms.
Remember, God is writing a story with your baby, your child, your young adult, your grandkids. God is holding the pen and He will dip it in the inkwell of the supernatural to write it. So, new mom, pray. Pray at all times, pray without ceasing. Pray in the celebrations and joys, pray in the pain and struggle. And as you pray, trust. Trust the Storyteller.
Relax. Breathe. In fact, right now, take a moment and breathe in slowly to a count of 4. Hold it for 4 and slowly breathe out to a count of 7. Do this 3 times. Whatever the drama of the day is it’s not as big of a deal as you think it is. It might even be something you laugh about later or ends up in a wedding day video.
Enjoy the journey and do not compare yours to another Mom’s journey. Put another way, limit your social media — it does you no favors! For all its benefits, social media platforms can be on-ramps to comparison and competition. Both are tools the enemy uses, (especially in women) to distort the truth, cause us to doubt the Father, manipulate our desires toward worldly things, and all for our ultimate defeat.
Not everything goes as planned. If you are a check list-organized-read the book and implement the plan girl, these words will not land well — go with the flow.
If you can’t breastfeed, use cloth diapers, or make your own baby food, don’t panic! Your baby will still be healthy and strong! (they all end up eating Play-Doh at some point anyway)
Use a babysitter! If you have ever flown in an airplane then you have heard the flight attendant’s safety instructions, “In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the compartment above you, place the mask around YOUR nose and mouth first and then assist the person next to you.” (I may have flown once or twice) Mom, you need to take care of yourself first. Taking time away from your baby to care for your body, soul, and spirit is not harmful to your baby, it is healthy for him/her. If you are married, you have a husband who enjoys the pleasure of your company — go on a date. Model early for your child what it looks like to live a balanced, healthy, life.
Finally, give yourself boatloads of grace. Most women I know give grace so freely to others but find it difficult to give it and receive it for themselves. Give yourself permission to receive grace and space — grace from God and space to breathe.
As I’m writing this I am watching a mama bird just outside my window resting in her nest on her two little babies. She too, is a new mom. I’m watching her thinking how similar her process is to ours. That mama is going to protect, feed, and grow her babies and then she is going to teach them to fly. That’s what you will do, Mom. Protect, feed, grow them up, give them wings, and watch them fly — all by the grace of God.
Written by Kaye Hurta