The Power of Emotional Bonds in Parenting
Sitting across from me in my pint-sized therapy office, sat a young girl with a pensive look on her face. She shifted her weight as she described the abuse and neglect she suffered by her parents. The anger, confusion, and sheer terror lept from her body into the atmosphere of the room. It was palpable.
As I listened - trying to be present with her in the retelling of her story - I couldn’t help but feel repulsed, disgusted, and angry towards her parents for the pain inflicted on this precious child. And yet…dear reader…and I know this is hard to understand…but it is something I’ve seen many times.
With all this young girl endured, she still wanted to be with her parents. Unbelievable? Yes. But very, very common. Why? The answer is simple; attachment. You and I are hardwired for a relationship with our parents.
What Does Attachment Mean?
The simple definition is the emotional bond between a mother and her infant. However, there is so much more going on behind the scenes to create a healthy bond OR an unhealthy bond; either way, this connection is imperative in human development.
Attachment is a “knowing” between a mother and baby. The complexity of this connection is incredible and intricate; but so worth understanding and exploring.
From the moment you found out you were pregnant, you’ve had a connection to the life growing inside you. Even before you could “feel” the growing baby within you, you had a “knowing” of your baby.
As your baby grew within you, you knew every flutter and kick. You knew when your baby slept and when he was active. You worried when you didn’t feel movement and you may have called your doctor for reassurance that all was well.
Now the day has arrived and you know that you are going to meet the baby that has been growing all these months within your womb. After hours of excruciating pain, you make the final push. Bearing down with all your strength, screaming your guts out, you suddenly hear a cry. The baby you’ve prayed for, imagined, and longed for, your baby is finally placed in your arms.
This vital connection between you and your baby has begun.
It is a deep emotional bond that forms between you and your baby. A bond marked by feelings of love, protection, and the emotional security your child derives from your presence. That’s why skin-to-skin contact following birth is so powerful to the point that hospitals have made it protocol once birth has occurred to place a baby in its mother’s arms, and onto her chest.
Attachment is a fundamental emotional connection between you and your baby that shapes your child’s life from their first gasp for air. It’s important to note that attachment isn’t just reserved for a biological mother and infant but can also occur with an adopted infant as well.
And attachment isn’t some magical thing that just happens. It is both intentional and innate. It is planned and yet intricately woven within our hard wiring. That’s why the young girl sitting in my office, having experienced trauma at the hands of her parents, still wanted to be with them, to be loved by them, and to be known by them.
Attachment is powerful, and its implications last a lifetime.