A Letter to Mom
In just a few days, the world (well, our part of it) will celebrate mothers. Happy Mother’s Day!
Few days on the calendar hold such a mixed bag of emotions like Mother’s Day. Few days on the calendar can trigger the heart of a hurting woman like Mother’s Day. There are also fewer days on the calendar that can bring such joy and delight to a woman’s heart.
Here are some of the highs and lows of this day just within my corner of the world:
I recently received a text from a mom who is overjoyed and bursting with gratitude to the Lord for the generous heart of her 17-year-old daughter. This extraordinary girl is taking the world by storm!
Another mom I know is on her knees praying for her 17-year-old daughter who can’t seem to choose a path that isn’t self-destructive and dangerous.
I know several (yes, several) moms who have buried their children, some to accidents, some to cancer, some to the darkness of drug addiction.
I know a couple of moms who are just starting the journey with their new babies and it is joy-filled and fun (along with sleepless and exhausted).
I know a mom who this morning is in the Pediatric ICU with her new baby girl born with multiple health issues, including hearing loss.
I know many women who desperately want to be (or wanted to be) mothers and can hardly breathe when this Sunday rolls around on the calendar.
I also know (not personally, but from our local news) of a mom so broken herself that she repeatedly abused her 5-year-old son to the point of his death. She is pregnant again.
There are stories of great joy and horrific pain all mingled together on this single day on the calendar, sometimes mingled together in one heart. If this is you, if this day is painful for you in any way, I am so sorry.
My own story, like most, includes joy and pain around my relationship with my mom. Wounded by her mother, my mom found it very difficult to give and receive love and affection. The effects of that I will save for another blog post! My mom died 32 years ago and while time has softened the pain of my loss, I can recall the day of her death in vivid detail. There is so much to grieve in all of that and if it’s true for me, could it also be true for you?
I am the mother of two beautiful young adult daughters. My journey to motherhood was marked by infertility and a failed adoption before they were born to me also through adoption. Joy and pain mingled together.
If this day is a day of great joy for you, fantastic!! I invite you to be aware of and sensitive to the women around you who are grieving.
If this day is a day of pain for you, here are a few suggestions for navigating the difficulty of this day:
Tell your story to a trusted friend. It may be painful to revisit, but there is healing in telling the truth of our stories and allowing someone trusted to sit with us in our pain, hold our stories without judgment, and pray for us with hope. Do you know someone who could benefit from hearing the question, “Tell me about your mom?”. If so, ask.
Gift yourself an appointment with a Christian counselor or Coach. Sometimes our hearts are a tangled mess of emotion and it can be so helpful to have someone well-trained to help us unravel the storylines.
Write a letter to your mom. This is a letter you don’t ever have to mail. In fact, you don’t even have to read it to anyone unless you want to. The act of writing an honest letter expressing your heartfelt emotions can be very healing. Burn it, toss it, save it, share it . . . it’s up to you. Be creative. I wrote a letter to my mom many years ago and many years after she died. It helped. This year I’m going to write a letter to myself. I’m going to mention all the ways I got it right but also need to own the parts I missed or flat-out failed with. I’m going to write about the ways my girls have brought delight to my heart and the ways I have felt disappointed as a mom. I’m going to write it, pray through it, and then toss it.
Could this be something that would be helpful for you to do this year? It certainly won’t be easy, but I invite you to join me, I invite you to write a letter to Mom — even if that mom is yourself. If you long to be a mother, this is something you can do as well. Write the letter to yourself or God. Tell your story. Tell it in a letter to mom.
Written by Kaye Hurta