The Epidemic of Loneliness
Thanksgiving is less than 2 months away! And with that, we are fast approaching, “The most wonderful time of the year," or at least that is how the song goes. Sadly, for many, the holidays are not the most wonderful time of the year, they are the loneliest time of the year. Against the backdrop of tinsel and lights, parties and parades, our longing and need for connectedness is most glaring. We are lonely. According to Psychologist, Amy Sullivan, PsyD, “Loneliness is an epidemic”. She goes on to say, “Loneliness isn’t the same thing as social isolation. It’s more about how you perceive your level of connectedness to others.” From this definition, it is easy to see how we can be lonely even in a crowd, in a small group, in a church, in a home.
The pain of loneliness goes far beyond being uncomfortable and in emotional pain. It affects both mental and physical health and is a risk factor for chronic health conditions. According to the Cleveland Clinic, loneliness increases the levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol can compromise the immune system, and increase your risk for vascular problems, inflammation, and heart disease.
Are you lonely? Are you friends with, working with, or ministering to someone who is? Our approach to this growing epidemic needs to be well-planned and considered. We need new strategies and programs to tackle loneliness. What can we do to help others and ourselves? Here are 6 ways we help to turn the tide of loneliness:
Talk about it more. Naming something is always the first step in finding freedom. When we fail to acknowledge and name our pain we let it name us. As in all things, leaders go first. Share more openly about loneliness in your own life. I am currently in a season of loneliness. Four years ago, I moved to Florida and even though I am on staff at a large church, I am still developing friendships. I am still unknown to some degree. This will pass. For some, it won’t just pass. Sharing our stories helps others determine if what they are experiencing is momentary or chronic. If it’s chronic, we need to take action.
Practice good health. By this I don’t mean just exercise, although exercise is the best form of stress reduction, reducing cortisol levels in our bodies. Good health also includes getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying connected to God through spiritual practices.
Make daily baby steps toward increased connection. For example, spend time with someone instead of emailing them. Call instead of texting. Walk across the room at the office to have a conversation instead of shooting an email. Listen to someone’s story instead of tweeting yours.
Remember quality of connection is more important than quantity. Don’t base your value on the number of likes or followers. There is a sea of lonely people who are well “connected” on social media. Try connecting this week with just 1 other person for coffee (or tea, or lemonade, or a walk). Take time to hear each other’s stories.
Serve, volunteer, give. Giving, serving, or helping others is the very best way to overcome loneliness. It shifts our perspective, releases endorphins (the good feeling hormone), and could change the world all at the same time!
Seek professional help. If loneliness has become pervasive, please seek counsel. I am an advocate of the counseling and coaching space - the help helps!
The invitation to all of us is to create space, moments, or events where we can safely tell our stories and find connection. Psalm 68:6a says, “God sets the lonely in families . . . “ (NIV). My challenge to all of us as women, no, my challenge to all of us as human beings is to commit to two things with the one-anothers in our lives: love well and listen well. We love well by creating space and time in our calendars to invite people to sit and tell us their stories. We listen well by suspending judgment, and by not trying to solve or fix or preach. We simply ask and listen. Let’s overcome this loneliness epidemic one story at a time.
Something tells me that as you were reading this, the Spirit placed the name of someone on your heart who needs an invitation to tell her story. Please follow that prompt! And if you are hoping someone will safely listen to your story - that’s our specialty at Blue Stone Coaching! Please reach out, it would be our privilege to hear and offer help and hope.
Written by Kaye Hurta